One aspect of my trying to understand the causality of my path to the present is the question of why I didn’t operate on my instinct some 18 years ago…that is, what is it about my identifications that broke that instinctual progress?  I was on a similar path through age 25 as I have been on since age 32…seven years on a detour of co-dependency, succumbing to the absolutism of fundamentalism and then trying to dig out of a terrible hole of insecurity aside, why did I CHOOSE the path I did?  My answer is so relevant to this moment of transition…it is because I lacked the courage to walk a different path from the safe, the known and the approved that had been the point of social indoctrination since childhood.

I have lacked the courage to act on my own instinct, but am able to build courage in others…because from a very early age my self-confidence was undermined…my core essence, because of the lack of understanding of those around me…has been consistently perceived as alien…my desire to leave this present life context isn’t just about a job or social station…it is about leaving this mentality… the Takers, in whose world I now reside, may actually be the last to embrace a new consciousness…it is their inertia, the one I’ve grown up around all my life, that has made me feel like a stranger in a foreign land.

What is that human force that can empower or discourage?  That force develops out of the human need to belong and be social approved or accepted.  While growing up everyone around me thought that my desired path was strange or dangerous…as a young boy that constant lack of affirmation crept into my mind to create a reality in which I was incapable of success in a world I never really wanted to participate in…what an incredible perspective to have.

However, we can’t assign value to that force as being positive or negative…the social nature of humanity is the wellspring from which that force originates…community can produce so much, but the control of community and the false identifications created by the agents of that control make that force a terrible burden…trapping people in a dynamic that never ends. People pursue more and more material gain that ultimately amounts to nothing tangible relative to their personal fulfillment.  However, that force can also be used to help people see the reality of their core selves…so, consciousness work becomes a matter of how to use that force most effectively…how best to harness the power of human connection.

The Taker mind is one of total attachment to the material and impermanent…they don’t want to let that go, even at the cost of their lives…so they defend that space…even against a child who questions its validity.  The choice to work toward consciousness expansion is so natural for many…it can be this way for our own children as well, unless they too are indoctrinated against their own instincts like we were.

It is not that I want to avoid material possession or gain in this life…I just want to live in a way such that possession doesn’t yield attachment, nor does the thought of potential gain yield desire…in any context.  Use what you have…secure what you need to do the WORK you’re committed to doing.  Possess enough to function in the way your work requires, but not so much that you become complacent, comfortable, distracted or disconnected from Real Self.  However, the idea of “just enough” is different for everyone…so much of this is subjective consideration…the objectively identified needs for survival and security can be the more clearly defined, but beyond these desire comes into play.  And then, what really does it mean to be “secure”?  So, there is still the issue of contending with a moral scale that can distinguish between needs and wants.

Giving energy is preferable to taking it.  But the type of energy you give is also an important distinction to make.  Relative to an ongoing, difficult relationship with a co-worker, a friend recently told me that I may be giving off the “vibes” that cause her to respond to me in the aggressive and defensive manner she exhibits. He may be right. I may be “giving off vibes” that cause her to respond to and perceive me as “other” or “enemy”, even if only subconsciously.  I have likely only released negative energy to her…sourced from a deep, egotistical resentment of her very existence in my life.  I think this moment with her as a part of my present life is a test I have given myself…a test I have failed through all the preceding instances of engaging this type of person.  Until I can work out how to remain in a balanced state while engaging a person like this, who has so much negative, taking, insecure energy…I won’t be able to progress on my path.

My task is to find the path to transcend this space I share with the Takers…otherwise, I don’t think I will be able to really help people in my work…most of whom will have been defined by or will identify with Taker mentality.  My co-worker believes she gains strength, life energy, by dominating others…making them feel insecure or afraid.  This helps her to matter.  She takes from others using fear as a motivator to comply…it is my task to transcend that fear (based in the threat that she controls my livelihood in the form of this job…one that she can potentially damage on a whim) by giving to her willingly.  Giving my energy without grudge or resentment…giving to her genuinely to try and reach that basic human core within her.  My power is based in giving, not taking…but I have to clearly identify the source of that giving energy so that I am not depleted when engaging takers.  My co-worker may have great purpose, but she doesn’t see this potential because she can’t see beyond her insecurity that drives her to dominate others to feel stronger about herself.